But no, can we talk about how heartbreaking this scene ACTUALLY is? Ok.
Killian witnesses Emma perform magic, something he just early told her to embrace, he is watching her perform it right in front of him. She’s so amazing to him. He loves everything about her. If this was any other situation he would be over joyed and happy to see her do it, but right now it just hurts.
Look at Emma. Look at her spin and look at him, with such surprise. He brought two people, who love each other so much, back together. He did that. He, once again, did something he did not have to do. To her at least…
Now look at Killian. He knows what is happening. It’s all false. It’s not true. He has tried so hard to get Emma to see him for the man he is, a man of code, a man of honor, and man who would do anything for her. And now he is witnessing her finally opening up, finally starting to see it, and she is thinking he did something and it’s not true. His heart is breaking. Why now? Why must all this be happening now? Everything he ever wanted to was to be that man, the one who was different, who never lied, who won her for who he is not who she thought he was. And here she is thinking he helped Ariel, when really he hates himself beyond belief for what he did to them. It’s killing him.
That face is a face of a man who think’s he no longer deserves this amazing woman. When she asks him if he did it, all he can do is try to tell the truth and say “No.” but of course Emma pulls the modesty card, and it just hurts him. Because he’s not being modest, he’s telling her the truth. He didn’t do this, Ariel did it on her own.
"When I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it… It will not be because of any trickery."
After everything, he is still trying to be as honest and honorable as he can for her. Because he is so in love with her. And on top of ALL of this, he is now in a situation where either Zelena starts going after her family… or HE is the one to take her powers. Even if she agrees to it, for the safety of her family, HE is the one who has the curse, he is the one who has to kiss her and take everything that makes her the savior away. And he knows he could never forgive himself for that.
My heart breaks for Killian so much right now, but this is such a major step in the right direction for his character. He tried so hard to go back to the old him, so hard that he did things he regrets more than anything, but the fact of the matter is in the end, it wasn’t him. He changed. And he tried so hard to take it back, to make it up to Ariel, when in return all he got was a curse and a broken heart…
He is shedding his old skin, and it hurts, but it’s worth it. And soon he will get everything he’s been trying so hard to get, be who he has been trying so hard to be, and it will be such a beautiful moment for him. Because not only will he win Emma’s heart, but he will believe in himself again.